Testimonials & Hospice Stories

Hospice Stories

Our Promise to Dottie

Honoring her parents meant learning to let them go.

Shortly before she died on a Shabbat in July 2007, Jean Weiss, 92, told Jewish Hospice & Chaplaincy Network's Rabbi Hershel Klainberg in Yiddish "one good thing about dying is I'll see my mother."

Bubbie becomes a great-grandmother

Jean, the family matriarch, was an orthodox woman who came to the U.S. from Europe before WWII. She had just become a great-grandmother and told Rabbi Klainberg she wished for more time with her newest family member. Jean said she didn't want to die but was accepting of her fate.

"She hoped she had honored her mother during her own life," recalled Rabbi Klainberg, who davened with Jean before each Shabbat while she was in hospice care. "She was very close with her mother and devoted to her family."

While Jean's daughter, Dottie Wagner, was not ready to say goodbye to her mom, she was calm during Jean's final months. Dottie wasn't always this way. Jewish Hospice & Chaplaincy Network first taught her to cope with the impending death of a loved one when her father, Teddy, was on hospice care. Teddy Weiss died in June 2005 at age 94.

A daughter's pain:

The relationship between the Weiss family and Jewish Hospice & Chaplaincy Network began while Dottie searched for a medical miracle for her father, who was dying of renal failure. "I didn't want comfort. I wanted to fix my daddy," Dottie said. "I thought I was going to outsmart the doctors."

Reluctantly, she called Rabbi Bunny Freedman and explained her predicament.

"I couldn't hold the pieces together anymore," Dottie said. "I didn't know how much more I could handle. I was afraid; I was obsessed."

Finding peace

Dottie told Rabbi Freedman she called everyone she knew in the medical field looking for answers. She taught school during the day and called in favors to get after-hours tests done for Teddy. She walked him into doctor's offices using one hand to push his wheelchair and the other to pull an oxygen tank so he could breathe.

"She was so busy trying to save her father's life she didn't understand that she, her father and family needed peace," Rabbi Freedman said. "Although we couldn't fix Teddy's disease, I knew we could make what time he had left better for him, Dottie and the rest of the family."

With blessings from Dottie and her brother Arthur, JHCN began providing spiritual and respite care with a strong Jewish presence, teaming with Beaumont Hospice for pain management and symptom control. Jewish social workers came to the home to comfort Jean. Bonnie Topper, a Jewish nurse from Beaumont Hospice, supervised medical care for Teddy and helped reassure Dottie.

Bonnie: A calming voice

"I was out of control," Dottie admitted. "Bonnie had this calming voice. She helped dissipate the tension and take the pressure off of me and my brother Arthur."

The day Teddy died his wife, Jean, Dottie, Arthur and his grandchildren davened beside him. This powerful experience transformed Dottie's view on death and dying and enriched her own life.

"We didn't send him out of this world alone, and he understood that," Dottie said. "I didn't think I could survive, but because of Bonnie and Jewish Hospice, I survived, and I am fine. They made me more comfortable with the fact that people I love will die."

Saving a family

Soon after Teddy's death, Jean was enrolled in hospice with continued support from JHCN. She lived two more peaceful years, and Rabbi Klainberg was with her the day before she died.

"We always spoke in Yiddish. We talked a lot about family and her European background," he said. "She had a deep connection to her heritage, and she really appreciated someone speaking Yiddish to her."

Rabbi Klainberg is grateful for the time he spent with Jean Weiss. Bonnie Topper is pleased she made a difference in the family's life.

"It is very satisfying to know I can help people to stay calm in the face of their biggest fears," Bonnie said.

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