Testimonials & Hospice Stories

Hospice Stories

Our Promise to Renee

After Alan's death Renee Gruskin helped change the way medical students learn about end-of-life care.

"Whatever you do, don't say anything that will make him lose all hope." Renee Gruskin spoke these words to an oncologist the day before he delivered her husband's crushing prognosis.

"I knew it was bad," Renee recalls of her husband's cancer. "He lost so much weight and the chemotherapy wasn't working. But Alan still had a glimmer of hope, and I didn't want to take that away from him."

Dr. Alan Gruskin, a revered pediatric nephrologist, was about to cap his career with a year-long sabbatical in Europe. Instead, the renowned pediatric chief at Children's Hospital of Michigan and former pediatrics chair at Wayne State University School of Medicine, was told: "Go home and plan your funeral."

"The words were devastating, and Alan went down with them," Renee says. "He sat up in a chair all night, every night, afraid to sleep. Alan felt angry, cheated. It terrified me to see him sitting on his lounge chair wasting away. The sun would set, and he would set with it."

Renee was incensed with the way the oncologist spoke to them. He did not offer options and never mentioned hospice. "I was going crazy, in tears every night."

JHCN: Bringing peace and serenity

Jewish Hospice & Chaplaincy Network turned things around, bringing peace and serenity into their home after a friend suggested Renee call for help. Rabbi Bunny Freedman introduced the Gruskins to palliative care specialist Dr. Kathleen Murphy, who provided medicine to help Alan manage and control his pain. JHCN Patient Care Coordinator Nathan Shiovitz and volunteers listened to family members' concerns. Rabbi Freedman spoke with Alan about sports, music, family — as CDs of Alan performing concert-style piano played in the background. He also reconnected Alan with Temple Israel's Rabbi Harold Loss, who discussed with him the immortality of the human spirit.

"Alan calmed down," Renee says. "We had no more breakdowns, and he became more accepting of his fate. I was okay as long as he was calm."

JHCN's warm, caring and nurturing approach made Renee realize the end-of-life could be peaceful. Every doctor could learn something from this philosophy. "Doctors have to remember they are treating people — not just a disease," Renee says.

After Alan's death, Rabbi Freedman encouraged Renee to channel her passions for positive change. Renee contacted Dr. Robert Frank, executive dean at Wayne State University School of Medicine, and one of her husband's colleagues. She shared her frustration and offered a solution. Through sheer perseverance, Renee convinced the school administrators to add a seminar series for senior medical students focusing on the spiritual and emotional side of end-of-life care.

Changing doctors' response to end-of-life care

"Mrs. Gruskin really did make a difference. It is hard to listen to her story and not want to get things moving in this direction," Dr. Frank says. "She was challenging us, we accepted that challenge and began to set up new programs. We were enlightened by her experience. She had a huge impact on all of us."

Adds Dr. Michael Stellini, director of WSU's year-old Center to Advance Palliative-Care Excellence: "We teach a lot of medical science. She added a different dimension to our program by bringing to us people with special insights into end-of-life care who are outside of the medical field."

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